WEEK EIGHT:
Chris Bender left ZIDE/PERRY, one of Hollywood's most beloved managment companies(JINGLE ALL THE WAY, anyone? anyone?), and founded BENDER-SPINK with friend/lover J.C. Spink. BENDER-SPINK (which has a super cool website, the creatively titled www.benderspink.com) were instrumental in bringing super mega blockbuster AMERICAN PIE to the screen, and recently co-produced the hugely successful CATS & DOGS.

They now head a team of managers that work hand in hand with their client list of introvert, socially retarded and for for the most part drug-addicted writers, helping to insure the theaters will be stocked with slightly less predictible crap in the coming years. Slightly.

Now they've got AMERICAN PIE 2, which will be open by the time you read this. Is pie fucking even sweeter the second time around? We forced Chris Bender to sit down with Monkey Man and find out. The results...are rather scary.

Read about AMERICAN PIE 2, the real-life sexual experiences that inspired what is now known as AMERICAN PIE 1, the making of CATS & DOGS, and what else Bender-Spink has up it's sleeve.

Take it away, Monkey Man!

MMONKEY MAN: Chris Bender. Chris BENDER. CHRIS Bender.

CHRIS BENDER: Monkey… that talks. Talking Monkey. Weird.

MONKEY MAN: Yes.

Chris Bender produce sequel AMERICAN PIE. Monkey Man find this strange. Monkey Man see first movie, Kevin Spacey get shot at end. And Kevin Spacey main character. So how Chris Bender make sequel to AMERICAN PIE? Kevin Spacey come back from grave, get revenge on killers? That sound good.

CHRIS BENDER: No, that was AMERICAN BEAUTY. "Pie" and "Beauty" are different words. Silly monkey… that talks.

MONKEY MAN: Huh? Then what AMERICAN PIE?

CHRIS BENDER: AMERICAN PIE was a teen movie about losing your virginity. Everyone goes through this important moment in life, and most everyone has some sort of trepidation about the unknown.

More importantly, in AMERICAN PIE, Shannon Elizabeth takes her clothes off. In AMERICAN BEAUTY, Mena Suvari is naked. Different girls, different nudity.

MONKEY MAN: Hmm. Monkey Man think he right, but Monkey Man go watch YOU WAIT HERE CHRIS BENDER MONKEY MAN GO WATCH.

(Chris Bender waits for two hours while Monkey Man watches DVD of AMERICAN PIE. Finally, Monkey Man turns off the TV, comes back and sits down.)

MONKEY MAN: No offense, Chris Bender, but your movie friggin' stupid. Monkey Man see lots of 25 year olds pretending to be high school, but all he hear was braggy directors and nebbish writer talking about how they make movie. What this art house nonsense, Chris Bender?

CHRIS BENDER: You dumb, dumb, monkey. You watched the director's commentary, which you should watch after you've seen the movie. The commentary is about the filmmaking process of AMERICAN PIE and has nothing to do with the story. I should beat you with a banana.

MONKEY MAN: Fuck. Okay, you wait here, Chris Bender, Monkey Man give it another try. WAIT HERE MONKEY MAN GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY.

(Chris Bender waits another two hours while Monkey Man watches DVD of AMERICAN PIE, this time, without the directors' commentary. He turns off the TV, comes back and sits down.)

MONKEY MAN: That better. Wow, that great movie, it totally gen-x cutting edge AMERICAN GRAPHITTI. Monkey Man no able to stop watching that Stifler, he get Monkey Man angry, but something about that cocky imp have Monkey Man saying "Oh Stifler, what you do next?" What Stifler like in real life, Chris Bender?

CHRIS BENDER: Sean Scott is a really nice guy. He was working at Home Depot before the movie came out, and now he's one of the biggest success stories to come from the first movie.

MONKEY MAN: What you do on AMERICAN PIE, Chris Bender?

CHRIS BENDER: Adam Herz, the writer, and I talked about developing a teen movie liked the ones that we grew up on. Originally, it was going to be about a group of guys who used classic teen movies as a reference to meet girls. That would have been as dumb as you, monkey. I had a bunch of true stories from high school, and one that I especially remembered about a friend of mine who lied to us all about getting laid. We decided to use that as the springboard for a story about a group of friends who are deathly afraid of not losing their virginity before they graduate high school.

Adam and I swapped stories to come up with the characters who are based on a combination of him, me, and friends of both or ours. Almost everything in American Pie is based on something that really happened. Adam wrote the first draft of the script in about a month, and after developing it, we sold the screenplay to Universal.

MONKEY MAN: Right. And you tell writer to hire Stifler, Chris Bender? Because if so, you move up notch in Monkey Man list of cool people. FYI, Chris Bender, currently, you somewhere between Byron Allen and guy who play Skippy on FAMILY TIES.

CHRIS BENDER: Well, no, the casting director, James Middleton, found Sean Scott.

MONKEY MAN: No, let just assume you did. And funny sex antics in movie, any those situations based on Chris Bender high school experience?

CHRIS BENDER: Let's see… The bible was a real book I found when I found the magical section in the bookstore with sex books. It was based on a book called "The Sensual Man" by "M". In this book there was a "move" known as "the velvet buzzsaw". In AMERICAN PIE, they named it the "tornado tongue twister". You can see that written in the book that Kevin finds in the library.

I ripped the cover off the actual book, and scribbled "the bible" on it because the title was kind of embarrassing. The pie, uhhh, well, someone I know had sex with something like a pie. It's referenced later in the film.

My dad sat me down once and tried to have a frank conversation about masturbation. I believe he told me that masturbating in the shower wasn't a bad idea, but it wasted water. He didn't want me to learn form someone on the street. At the time, I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, and it freaked me out.

And finally, Jason Biggs multiple premature ejaculation sequence… uhhh, I know someone who experienced that as well. At the time, he was just happy to be near a girl. I think everyone has humiliating high school sex stories, and it's healthy and funny to get them out in the open.

MONKEY MAN: What craziest high school sex experience you have that no make it into AMERICAN PIE?

CHRIS BENDER: Honestly, they're all in the movie. My first short-lived relationship inspired ideas in the Biggs internet scene, and my first real romantic relationship inspired ideas for the Kevin and Vicky/Oz and Heather stuff. Other than, trying to use mayonnaise as a lubricant and learning that vinegar really is acidic, there wasn't much else.

MONKEY MAN: Oh. Okay, Monkey Man move chair little bit away from Chris Bender.

(Monkey Man does.)

MONKEY MAN: Chris Bender, how they make sequel AMERICAN PIE? It about bunch boys losing virginity. They do, fade out, end of story. How continue? Does government declare new law, saying you no lose virginity until you have sex with TWO people? Because if so, good thinking, Chris Bender.

CHRIS BENDER: I really didn't want to work on a sequel at first. I thought like you monkey. What of importance happens within a year or two of losing your virginity that would be as funny or interesting as losing your virginity. There wasn't anything, and sequels tend to contrive a plot involving a caper of some sort.

I thought of the sequel as a second episode after a really good pilot. Bring back the characters we liked in the first movie, and see what they're up to. Truthfully, a year or so after high school, you meet back up with you're friends and everyone has changed a little bit. It's kind of sad, and you wish things could be the same. The movie is about how people change, and how you have to make an effort to remain friends with people that don't share in your life anymore.

There were still plenty of embarrassing sexual experiences to mine for comedy, and awkward sexual moments never end, no matter how old you are. The writer had a tremendous challenge to come up with satisfying story lines, funny set pieces, and enough of a plot to keep the audience interested.

MONKEY MAN: Wow, that sound---

(Monkey Man raises index card pre-written by Chris Bender, reads)

---completely original and totally funny. It truly feel good experience of summer and---

(Monkey Man looks quite pained, Chris nudges him, Monkey Man sighs, continues reading)

---I can't believe all my favorites are back. Jim. Finch. Jim's Dad. Stifler. Kevin.

(Looking up, confused, stops reading)

Wait, who fuck Kevin?

CHRIS BENDER: He is the guy who… is played by Thomas Ian Nicholas. You've seen him in ROOKIE OF THE YEAR. Remember monkey?

MONKEY MAN: Oh, he back? That good, Monkey Man guess. Tell me, Chris Bender, Nadia take her shirt off this movie?

CHRIS BENDER: No, not this time. She was brought back for her acting. But the good news is that Kevin takes his shirt off.

MONKEY MAN: Hmmm. Perhaps Chris Bender no understand Monkey Man statement. It not really question, it more demand. NADIA TAKE HER SHIRT OFF THIS MOVIE. Dig?

CHRIS BENDER: Oh, yes… I dig. I just realized yet again I'm talking to a monkey, and it's freaking me out.

MONKEY MAN: Well, I just realize I talking to actual Hollywood producer, and it making me want to bathe for six weeks. Chris Bender, tell audience favorite scene AMERICAN PIE 2. No give too much away, but you tell scene that made Chris Bender say "hey, if ALL scenes in AMERICAN PIE 2 were like this one, it no suck".

CHRIS BENDER: I like perhaps the silliest scene in the movie. Jason Biggs, superglue, himself, and porno video tape. Why do I like it? Because it just keeps going. The humiliation doesn't end. I tend to like humiliation humor. Biggs also takes a great prat fall at Band Camp that makes me laugh every time I see it.

MONKEY MAN: That sound good. Would Chris Bender say AMERICAN PIE 2 is 2 times the fun?

CHRIS BENDER: I'd say it's pie squared as much fun.

MONKEY MAN: No, Monkey Man think his better.

Chris Bender, floor yours. Tell America why they should see AMERICAN PIE 2.

CHRIS BENDER: Firstly, when they tested the movie, audiences in the focus group said the movie was actually funnier than the first one.

Secondly, it's a not too serious, feel good, funny, see with your friends, and reflect on old times after you see it, kind of movie. Isn't that what movies are for? Good time, great taste, McDonalds?

I like the movies. I go alone sometimes. If not for any other reason, what else in your life is so great to do that you shouldn't go see this movie? I mean, what are you going to see PLANET OF THE APES? For 90 minutes, you will forget about your shitty job, and f'd up relationship, and the misery that awaits you every morning when the alarm goes off and the harsh light of reality burns your eyes out.

MONKEY MAN: Ah. Monkey Man first in line then. Assuming line for RUSH HOUR 2. Kidding, Chris Bender, Monkey Man kidding. Tell me, there going to be AMERICAN PIE 3?

CHRIS BENDER: No. Absolutely not. Disgusting.

Unless a breakthrough writer like Brian Lynch were willing to put pen to paper… And they paid everyone even more money. And if it were direct to video with an entirely new cast.

MONKEY MAN: Chris Bender, you also produce CATS AND DOGS?

CHRIS BENDER: Yes.

MONKEY MAN: Monkey Man love CATS AND DOGS. Finally, movie with courage to say "hey, America, your cat and your dog talk and want to kill each other". Most film maker no have guts to express that. That hard movie to make?

CHRIS BENDER: Well, yes and no. Yes, because they had to build mechanical puppets, incorporate CGI, and train real cats and dogs and blend them into a cartoon like film which didn't scare kids, yet entertained adults. No, because I didn't have to build the puppets, do the CGI, or deal with any of the animals. I did accidentally pet Lou, the beagle, when I was visiting the set, which apparently was something you are not supposed to do.

MONKEY MAN: Which bigger prima donnas on set, cats or dogs?

CHRIS BENDER: Neither, but the mice were very needy.

MONKEY MAN: Monkey Man can no imagine what it like working with dirty mindless drooling beast that no listen to direction. But tell me, you work with Jeff Goldblum again?

CHRIS BENDER: OF COURSE, HE IS A WONDERFUL ACTOR WHO I WOULD WORK WITH AGAIN AND AGAIN. I LAUGHED, I CRIED. I LIKED HIM BETTER THAN CATS.

MONKEY MAN: Kidding, Monkey Man kidding again. Jeff Goldblum great, he and Monkey Man hang out Sky Bar, he impress girls with whole "vomit acid" trick. It big fun. Tell me, Chris Bender, you have big hit with AMERICAN PIE. Another big hit with CATS AND DOGS, since you got Kevin back Monkey Man assume AMERICAN PIE 2 going to be huge, does Chris Bender have golden touch?

CHRIS BENDER: No, I'm just lucky to have found a great group of writers who really care about making the movies they're working on original. They also all have a genuine love of movies.

MONKEY MAN: What other movie Chris Bender have coming out?

CHRIS BENDER: While CATS AND DOGS was filming, I was also working on a movie called CHEATERS in Vancouver. It will be finished very soon, and is set to be released in May. We want to release the film just as school is getting out so that we can tie in the "cheating theme" with final exams. Great message, huh?

We're also working on a romantic comedy JUST FRIENDS at New Line which about the dreaded "friend zone" that many guys find themselves in.

And finally, there is the brilliant Warner Bros. project NIGHTCRAWLERS, which is about a group of kids who protect kids from and fight the things that go bump in the night, namely the Boogeyman!!!! Scary, huh?

MONKEY MAN: Ah, NIGHTCRAWLERS. Monkey Man read script. It lacking. What status that movie?

CHRIS BENDER: We need to find the absolutely perfect director to shepard this movie through the studio process. One thing we learned with CATS AND DOGS was that live action is much scarier than animation to kids, so you have to be very careful with the tone of live action family movies. Originally, in CATS AND DOGS, Butch, the dog in the opening chase scene was killed after being hit by a van. We may have permanently traumatized a few kids with that one, so we have to be careful.

MONKEY MAN: Oh. Well, good luck with that. Monkey Man see end of Chris Bender hit streak coming, but what Monkey Man know? Maybe you add Kevin into NIGHTCRAWLERS, people go see.

Anyway, Chris Bender, thank you for time.

CHRIS BENDER: No problem, well, back to sleep.

MONKEY MAN: Yes, back to sleep...with PIE!!!

(Chris looks at Monkey Man, confused.)

MONKEY MAN: With PIE!!!

(Chris continues to look at Monkey Man, confused)

MONKEY MAN: With...with pie...listen, just go sleep. Peace, Monkey Man outty.