Kevin Crimmins

See? Do you SEE the rave reviews we're getting? And this, THIS is the guy that Kevin is based on, so he's not biased at all. Thank you, Kevin.
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Loved the new strips, this is all I have to say

Underappreciated Gems Part II:

THEY LIVE!
BAD TASTE
DEAD ALIVE
80's music
Popeye
Yakov Smirnov
The Ben Stiller Show
Cleopatra 2525 (deserves a second mention)
Andy Richter

That's all I have to say.

-------------------->gARY

(A.K.A. Dan)

gARY A.K.A Dan, I agree with you about Popeye, especially if you're talking about the fantastic eighties' flick based on said cartoon legend. That is an amazing movie. I saw it twice in the theater, and my parents agreed to buy me the "storybook based on the movie" if I'd stop sucking my thumb. Admittedly, they found this book in a used store two years ago and I really shouldn't have needed any kind of encouragment other than "my God, you're 25, you weirdo, get your goddamn thumb out of your mouth", but no, they like to bribe me so I do what they want. And I let them. Do not judge me.

As for 80's music, The Ben Stiller Show, THEY LIVE!, BAD TASTE and DEAD ALIVE, well, I think they have a big big fan base and as such aren't underappreciated. They deserve acclaim and they have it.

Cleopatra 2525 will return to both the Pat strip and the internet shorts, have no fear.
Andy Richter is in SCARY MOVIE II. Someone who leaves Conan O' Brien's side so he can pal around with Shawn and Marlon Wayans deserves not our appreciation, but our pity.

And as for Yakov Smirnov.

Yeah.

See, this part of the email saddened me. I wonder what Yakov is up to. I wonder, I wonder if Yakov is lonely. Scared. Cold. Good God, someone find out and get back to me.
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Thanks for putting my letter up on your website. You are very good at what
you do and I am looking forward till I can see something cinematic from you.
GET BHD RELEASED IN SOME FORM NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See, I can be angry too.

The dope ran out, PUT ME IN YOUR STRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mick
angry and half nude

Wow, a fan letter about the fan letter column. Thank you angry and half nude (which half, you naughty tease) Mick. As for BIG HELIUM DOG, we'll see. In the meantime, you can look forward to seeing ANGRY NAKED PAT cartoons on the web in a couple of months, that'll be fun, right? RIGHT? All your favorites from the strip are gonna be up and walking around, insulting celebrities left and right, and that'll be something, huh? Yes yes, smoke a fat doobie and calm down, Cheech.
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Brian,

Love the site. (in a manly, Viking way).
I cannot believe you watched Get A Life. I thought that show was just a
drug trip I had in college!
(Hot dog boy! Hot dog boy wants to give you big hot dog boy kiss! this was
the stuff of comedic gold!).

Say, will you do a strip lampooning the MTV awards shows? I hope so.
Neither I nor any other one of my multiple personalities,
have ever seen a large group of people forcing themselves to have a good
time. I saw the latest movie awards last night
(okay ten minutes was all I could stand). It was painful. REAALL painful.
Tom Hanks slamming Emil Muzz's nuts in a desk drawer
kinda painful (why do they never include DRAGNET in the Tom Hanks' montages?
or better yet BACHELOR PARTY? Maybe that was the other Tom Hanks).
MTV needs writers so badly...

Where was I? Oh yes, unrepentant ass-kissing! Bravissimo, Signor Lynch-o!
Your website is one of the few that keeps the Internet from turning into one
big pop-up ad for Naked Teenage Japanese Schoolgirls! YES! I said, Naked
Japanese Schoolgirls! They're nude! They're wearing schoolgirl outfits!
They are Japanese!
(Note: Actually, keeping the web from turning wholly into porn is the one
thing I hate about your site. Quit being so scathingly accurate in your
assaults on force-fed
"pop"-culture! You're gonna make people begin to question the machine...and
then they might start thinking for themselves again...and then they might
begin reading! Heavens to merga-troid, man! Some of us don't wanna be
unplugged! Why if I woke up one day, floatin' in a big goo filled egg, with
a big-assed network cable shoved directly into my cranium, all I would think
is...heh heh, broadband! and take a nice long goo nap! Goo nap, bryan! goo
naps and broadband, that's all they want!)

Until the running dogs of the crypto-fascist war mongers of the American Egg
Council get wind of your little funny book site, and shut you down
Napster-style,
Make Mine Naked, angry and pat-like!

Tom Harrison
THarrison@spillmanfarmer.com

I appreciate the praise, Hagar. Thank you. And yes, OF COURSE I watched GET A LIFE. All good hearted people did. It's a perfect show, the only thing funnier is Elliott's sketches on LATE NIGHT a few years before GET A LIFE. Use the link attached to The "Gems" cartoon and watch some, trust me. Especially the Marlon Brando ones. You'll thank me. And then think this site is supah lame by comparison.

And I'd love to make fun of the MTV Movie Awards, but by the time I drew one up and Josh colored it and put it up, people wouldn't know what the F we were talking about.
Wait, what am I talking about? MTV will rerun that mess for the next six months. Maybe...
And you've figured out my master plan. We'll shut down this "intra-net" and ruin the lives of millions of pop-culture-worshipping shut-ins. And then we'll move to TV and TAKE THAT DOWN quicker than the UPN, and THEN we'll move onto books and destroy that evil medium, leaving only radio and movies.

Fuck, scratch that. NIGHTCRAWLERS and MILLER MINOGUE will destroy movies, leaving only radio. Ah well. All hail Howard Stern, I guess.
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Is Pat circumcised? He sure looks it. Is he angry about that? A lot of guys
are these days.

John Sullivan

Pat is circumcised, yes. And no, he's fine with it. As am I. Thank you.
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Dear Brian Lynch:
I just heard about your one panel comic strip Angry Naked Pat. So today I took a look at some of the Angry Naked Pat strips. I enjoyed them very much. Do you draw them as well as write them? If so you're a good comic drawer as well as writer. I look forward to seeing more Angry Naked Pat comics. Keep up the great comics.
Sincerely,
Brandon Versluis
brandon_versluis@hotmail.com

Finally, the strip is reaching it's target audience. Thank YOU, Brandon. As long as you read our little one panel comic strip Angry Naked Pat we will continue to put out our little one panel comic strip Angry Naked Pat. Yes, I am the drawer of Angry Naked Pat, and I thank you for your kind words. Drop us a line regularly and let us know how we're doing, okay? Hope you're good, and all of us here at the one panel comic strip, from the drawers to the colorers thank you.
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Brian,

When the hell is Pat going to meet Steve Guttenburg? Its gotta happen some
time. Also, I'd like to see Pat meet those two crazy guys from the Police
Academy series, the fellas who had the crazy voices. But Guttenburg
reeeeeally has to happen sometime.

Take care,

John (of The Brian Lynch Sarcasm School fame)

Pat and Steven Guttenburg are old college buddies, and while Steve told Pat he would lend his name to help Pat and friends get their names out with numerous appearances, Pat told him that he, along with everyone at http://www.angrynakedpat.com are not into name dropping to impress people. I was telling my GOOD FRIEND KEVIN SMITH this the other day and he agreed. And then he said my comic strip was the best comic strip in the world and everyone should read it and never ever say it sucks.

Thanks, John. And tell the Sarcasm peeps to set up a Pat section over at the "school". He deserves it. Steve Guttenberg and Kevin Smith agree.
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After reading 50+ strips from the archives, I can't get the images of large,
throbbing penises out of my head. Damn you for causing me years of
psychotherapy, and damn you for making fun of women's rights groups!

Oh, and damn you for making me laugh during all of it! Damn you! Damn you!
Damn you!

-Greg

P.S.: In the ANP cartoon, will Pat's member bounce up and down in a comical
motion when he moves? If it does, then DAMN YOU for making light of a poor,
naked man's situation! DAMN YOU!

Are you SURE the images of the large, throbbing penises weren't there BEFORE you saw the strip. Hey, man, if that's the case, it's cool. I completely understand...I mean, why do you think I write this strip? It's a release of sorts, you know, so the throbbing penises don't build up in my head and cause some kinda weird penis head-clot.

And you'll have to ask Bob Cesca of Camp Chaos if Pat's penis will bob up and down when he moves. God, I hope so. I mean, mine does.

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jesus lynch... are these letters real?

ack. I hope not. You can refer them to me for services now that i have
my masters.

hugs,
aa

Yes, aa, they are all real. I think this batch is a bit more normal than the first, but maybe I'm just getting used to it. Or maybe it's the throbbing penises building up in my head because I haven't drawn a "Pat" cartoon in 48 hours.

You know what's even more scary? The letters in the second ASK MONKEY MAN column are all real too. THAT'S scary. And a fictional blue monkey with magic buttons is answering them. THAT'S scary.

Did I say fictional? I mean, I mean, uh, functional. Yes, a functional blue monkey. Heh. Okay, moving on I meant functional let's go---
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Hey man, GREAT site, been meaning to check it out for ages, and now i
finally had the time to i must say kudos on the excellent job.

now for the rant:

i must admit when i first came to the site i didn't really have much
of an idea what to expect, but i guess i should have, great art by
the way, but when i read the femanists strip it reminded me of a
similar comic strip i'm working on getting up in the next few weeks.
You see, the story goes like this. Our university has this shitty
student mag, recently renamed EMIT, so i brought out my own, titled
FOE, standing for fuck off emit, and the whole magazine is a review
of EMIT. At our uni we have this "womyn" named nicole pryor, and she
is the "momyns" officer, and she is fat as fuck, and she has an
office where "womyn" can "chill out", so i'm starting off a web site
and on it i'm going to have a comic strip starring her and her weekly
adventures,and issues of FOE. Anyways, when it's up i'll let ya know
the url

thaks for not caring, wesley pipes

What's this "thanks for not caring"? Of COURSE I care, that's why I take the time to answer these questions.

And, and way to stick it to those feminists. Especially the, the "fat fuck" feminists. Good idea, the website and all...(is anyone else scared?)

But for the record, I wasn't making fun of feminists. If you read the "commentary", you'll see that I was just making fun of a certain group of them on my campus. While I totally agree with and support feminist ideas (except when they come from those lousy "fat fuck" feminists! Yeah, have another dinner roll and shut the frig up, tubby!), I don't agree with being mad and not knowing why exactly you're mad and who you're mad at. These people were protesting rape. PROTESTING RAPE. A MARCH AGAINST RAPE. Whoa, way to take a stand. Better be careful with those radical beliefs. Still, I guess if it convinced ONE GUY lurking in the bushes to not rape a girl, I guess it was worth it. I saw alot of dudes in ski masks coming out of the bushes, nodding their understanding and taking a few pamphlets that night.

So make sure what you're making fun DESERVES to be made fun of, Wesley. Or else you'll come off looking like a jack ass. Trust me on this.

But let us know when your site goes up, Mr. Pipes. I'm sure we'd all love to see it and weep LAUGH I meant LAUGH.

Dear Pat,

First off, I'd just like to thank you for all the things you do for your
fans. Its really cool how down to earth you are and much time you are
willing to spend to make your fans happy. Not all comic strip stars are like
that...I once sent an autograph request to Schroeder, but the piano playing
fuck never replied. (He's probably queer anyway.) Speaking of gays, I heard
that Ziggy is secretly dating Lyman, Jon Arbuckles old "roommate." Is that
true? Anyway, the reason I'm writing to you is because I wanted to let you
know how much you've enspired me because of your kickass comic strip. And
since your so down with your fans I figured you'd be willing to help me out
and help me get my comic strip published. My strip is truely funny. Its
called "Snide Dick" Its about me and my group of friends and how we are
really sarcastic and snide to everyone else, and people call us dicks because
of it. But the funniest part is that when anyone calls us a dick, instead of
mooning them, we get NAKED so we can show them our dicks! Its kind of like
an oh-maj (sp?) to you and your strip. Don't worry, we're not trying to copy
your being naked gimmick. (Our gimmick is that we're going to ejaculate on
people who give us shit) As you can see, me and my friends are full of funny
ideas, and can't wait to star in our own strip and show our humor to the
world. I realize your really busy and everything being in your weekly strip
and all, but I'd really appreciate it if you could find the time to write
back and lemme know what you think of my strip, and the chances are of you
helping us realize our dreams. Thanks again Pat, and thanks for taking the
time to read this. Hopefully I didn't get your ANGER up, or anything else
for that matter! LOL ; P

Sincerely,

Jim Petrosky

Did anyone else NOT read this letter? Everyone? Thought so. Yeah, I wanted to put it up because it looked long and important but it was just too much and, quite frankly, too green-blue to look at. If anyone can send me a Cliff's Notes version of what he was trying to say, I'd appreciate it.

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Hey Brian,

Long time fan, first time emailer. I have a few
questions. I will try to make them angry.

Is Pat black?

Is Mugsy a Midget?

Could Pat be any angrier?

Do you like anything?

I read your archives. Are you Gay?

What is your favorite Hair Care product?

Will I ever get my hands on the penis of a Pat Doll?

Is it ever winter in Pat's World?

Okay, I am done with the questions. Keep up the good
penis drawing.

Warden

This is more like it. Simple questions that I can answer with the greatest of ease. Thank you, Warden. Ready? Here we go.
Pat is white. Actually, far too many white characters in the strip. I mean, Monkey Man's blue and Pat:Red is, you know I can't remember what color Pat:Red is, but there aren't a lot of black characters, are there? Except for P Diddy...but he had a gun. Jesus, I need to put some black characters in. Without guns. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, Warden.
Mugsy's not a midget, he's just really really short. The actual Mugsy is the same height as the actual Pat. Do with this information what you want. Me, I'm gonna cherish it.
Pat's not really that angry, if you really look at the strip. He's just easily annoyed.
And I like lots. I like all the stuff mentioned in the "Underappreciated Gems" section, I like lots of movies, I like my girlfriend, I like this dude Bryan Strang an awful lot, I like my job, I like alot. And keep in mind that most of the stuff I make fun of, I actually like an awful lot. Eddie Vedder being a prime example. And I REALLY LIKE Britney in ways I don't want to describe. Frig, I'd hang out with P Diddy if he'd just leave the weapons at home, you know? I ain't goin' down like Shine.
Am I gay? No sir. Because I draw a naked guy? That's narrow minded.
My favorite hair care product. I'd have to say semen. SHIT, that completely negates the above statement, doesn't it?
Will you ever get your hands on the penis of a Pat doll? Mister, if all goes according to plan, you'll get your hands on the penii of alot of Pat dolls, in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Things are happening for our characters, stay tuned. We'll have T-shirts and crap like that in the next few weeks, but where we go from there is at once exciting and disturbing.
Well, the title of one of Animated Cartoons is "A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE", so you can see for yourself. It's a heart-warmer.
Thanks for the questions. They's good times.
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Man, that was alot of fun. And very time-consuming. Hope you had a good time too. And I think we learned a little something about ourselves today. Some of you hate fat fuck feminists, some of you favor a fancy green-blue font, others like THEY LIVE, and apparently, I'm gay. Take care.