Do you want to ask questions, send praise or
insult a fictional character? Sure, we all do,
and here's your chance! E-Mail us and tell us
what you think. Even if it's not very intelligent.

Hell, ESPECIALLY if it's not very intelligent.
Stupid people are so easy to make fun of
and we're lazy.

Hey folks. Brian Lynch here. I've hogged the MALE SAC for far too long now, let's give it back to the fictional characters, shall we? This week, everyone's favorite levitating cigarette smokin' snide fuck Kevin takes over. Take it away, Kevin!

Oh thank you. Thank you sooooooooooooo much. So very nice of you. I don't deserve this public forum (or should I say PUBIC forum, as that's very ironic and funny). Anyway, I'll answer your damn letters. Sounds like fun. Quick question, does sarcasm translate over the internet? No? Dammit.

Well, let's get this over with. First letter.

I noticed that the whole mail sac portion of your site is largely derivative of David Letterman's viewer mail segment he does on his show and much of your humor is similar to Letterman's - so why not have Pat meet up Letterman in the next comic.

That's all - and hey, cool site by the by.

James

Letter-who? I'm more of a Leno fan myself. His cutting edge style o' comedy makes my eyes BUG out of my head like the cartoon character I am, and wonder, out loud, to the super-model who's passed out next to me, "How does JAY get way with such craziness?" Sincerely, last night, he made a joke about how STUPID George Bush is. This is funny for the following reasons---

1. George Bush is our president. We are supposed to show him respect. But BIG CHINNED REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE don't care, he's gonna serve him up a big plate of sass with a side of hilarious.

2. While Bush may in fact be stupid, he CAN'T be as dumb as God, I mean Leno claims he is. We'd all be in serious trouble. I mean, imagine it.

3. Leno's writers claiming someone is stupid is like a cube of ice calling someone cold.

Shit, I just let on that I don't find Leno funny, didn't I? I'm new to this, folks. Kinda used to standing in the corner of the comic strip with my cigarette and making a two sentence comment about how dumb someone or something is.

Anyway, yes, I'd have to say the MALE SAC is a little too much like Letterman's viewer mail. But if you're gonna rip something off, rip off from the best.

Actually, scratch that. You should actually RIP OFF from the worst, and try to make it much, much better. Take the grain of "good" in the worst shit you can find and let it blossom into a beautiful, I don't know, comedy plant, I said I was bad at this.

And if Pat met up with Letterman he wouldn't know what to do. Little secret for you all, Pat's a boob. And not the good kind of boob, you know, the kind that hangs out with an indentical boob and lets you fondle them, he's a moron. He's angry and he doesn't know why. Just pissed for the sake of being pissed. And what's with the fucking nudity? We could be on FOX KIDS by now, wedged between POWER RANGERS and DIGIMON living off the phat syndication bucks. But no, he's gotta let it all hang out. My God. Just sad.

Next letter.

Did Pat finish college? If so, what did he major in?

Also; what 7 words must I say to PAT:RED to make him love me?

I'd like to know.

Sincerely,
Erik Baader-Meinhof
Studdeldornk, Germany

Wow, a fan from across some sea or other. Hello, new friend, all our welcome here!

To answer your question, Adolf, the actual Pat (which some call Pat Lukasavage) DID graduate college (unlike Lynch, who "left" to "help" his "friend" make a "movie", and has been paying for it ever since), and has a stellar job and a beautiful wife. He majored in communications.

The comic strip Pat doesn't really go to college. He doesn't go anywhere, because drop-out boy hasn't learned to draw backgrounds. Jesus, get it together, Lynch.

The animated Pat lives in an apartment with Mugsy, and the Geek and Nigel 7 crash on his couch. They all go to college, though Lynch doesn't really concentrate on that aspect of their lives, as he doesn't have any non-drunken haze memories OF college to draw on. But once and a while one of them will say really intelligent things like "hey, time to go to COLLEGE, where we GO!" and "man, college where we go is fun to go to and we do" just to remind the audience.

As for the words to get Pat:Red to love you, pretty much any combination of any seven words will work. He's a whore.

Hope these answers your questions. And by the way, I totally forgive you for the Jew thing, though I don't think anyone else does.

Heil next letter!

I had a terrible nightmare that Captain Caveman was not only able to beat up Monkey Man, but actually did so. I have not been able to sleep for several nights, and it is beginning to affect me in strange way. Please help me to alleviate these fears, or at least tell me what you think I should do. I realize that this isn't a question, so I will end this sentence with a question mark?

your lovin'
--sean

Rest your weary head, sean. Know for a fact that Monkey Man could kick the living crap out of Captain Caveman, or anyone in the Hanna Barbera world for that matter. Not that MM is tough, he's not (little secret, ever heard of a glass jaw? He's got a glass crotch. Disgusting fact, sure, but good to know just in case), but Hanna Barbera's roster of sissy maries just can't take a punch.

Hong Kong Phooey? All his shit is done with wires and in-camera edits. Freddie from Scooby-Doo? Freddie Prinze Jr. is playing him in the live action version, if that means anything. Grape Ape? A drunk.

Jabberjaw might pose a threat, but ironically, he can't swim, so just toss that Curly Joe wannabe in the pool and he goes down like a sack o' rocks. And yeah, this means I'm calling all you Hanna Barberra fucks out. You heard me. You know where I live, bring it on.

Dear Brian Lynch,

Let me guest write a very special edition of Angry Naked pat.

That is all

Thanks,

Juan Tome

Si, Juan. Go right ahead. We'll slap it up for all to see. That goes for all of you, you CAN'T be any worse than Lynch, so anytime you want to do a Pat strip, send it over and make the pale "screenwriter" cry. Have a field day. Send it to--

BrianLynch@angrynakedpat.com

--and it'll be in the next week's new strips section. Put me in it. Or don't, up to you. I don't fucking care. I'm busy playing the villain in the animated Pats anyway. Yep, I'm the bad guy. None of that boring ass BATMAN shit for me, I'm the Joker. I'm Lex Luthor. I'm Terl. Okay, that last one was a bad, bad example, but you get my point.

That's it. Almost outta cigarettes so I'm gonna go to the 7-11. You've been a wonderful audience. Got questions for anyone involved in the fantastic world of ANGRY NAKED PAT AND KEVIN WHO IS MUCH FUNNIER AND HAS A BIGGER DICK SERIOUSLY IT'S BEEN PROVEN? Send'em to BrianLynch@angrynakedpat.com and he'll have an adult read it to him and help him answer your queries.

That's it. Good night.